it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
