Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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