if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
