Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
