Hey man sorry I got all grabby
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
