After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
