I just saw a hot homeless man
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
