we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
