I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
