I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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