Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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