i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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