Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Apparently you make a good broom.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
