No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
