watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
