he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
