I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
