I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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