What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
