I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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