never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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