I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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