new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize