I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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