You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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