:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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