Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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