i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
