Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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