his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
