Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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