Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
