the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
