Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
