i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
