Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
