I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
