I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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