there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
