Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
