I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
third nipple confirmed
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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