I'm gonna have a badass scar
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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