I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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