Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
