You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I am naked and annoyed.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
