Your favorite bartender is back from prision
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize