I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
They took my balls.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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