We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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