you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
