I have demons in me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Two words: nipple clamps
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