Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
