the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
