R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
