you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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