he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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