We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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