I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
