Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
