I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
