Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
