Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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