Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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