I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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