um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
