That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
